ISLAND HIKE

Hello bloggy, my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again.

It’s been a while now, hasn’t it? March 10th was my last post. As you’re probably well aware of by now, I really struggle with heavy periods of emptiness and hopelessness, and that is also the case nowadays. Days go by with me hardly even noticing. All of a sudden, as it seems, another one-two-three weeks have passed.

I’ve been doing better this time. Even though my body seems to gravitate to the ground by what seems like 200kg on my back, I get up and I go out and I soak in the magic that Spring has to offer: hopeful wood anemones and other flora sprouting up here and there, sunlight breaking through the branches of the trees creating a fairytale-like light in the forest, calm breezes stroking my face, the crunch of dry gravel under my sneakers as I walk… I could go on.

I have truly been enjoying the forest this Spring. It’s still that time of year before all the creepy crawling creatures come out. (Ants are my biggest fear). I have been getting out on my own, but my aunt has really done a good job getting me outside as well and has taken me to a few places I haven’t been before. And yesterday I was on a hike with my sister on this really beautiful island. (I took a bunch of photos, but I couldn’t put all of them in one post, haha).

Other than that my days have been spent trying to finish The Angel’s Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. I have struggled with that one, I couldn’t get into the story, I hope The Prisoner of Heaven is better, because I really liked The Shadow of the Wind and Carlos’ storytelling. It’s tough to read when you’re not in the right head space, but now I’m finally done and still on schedule with my reading goal.

My mom and I have also been a lot of watching Masterchef Australia. We had been saving up weeks at a time of the Back to Win season, as we’ve done with previous seasons as well, to watch a bunch of episodes at a time. The best way to watch a series is to binge many episodes at a time, in my opinion. I cried an embarrassing amount of times during this season, more than I dare count, it’s just so wholesome.

Now we have found a streaming service with every season, I have just watched from season 6 I think, so we’ve started on the first and it’s so weird and so good(!) to see how much the show and the judges (Matt, Gary and George), have grown over the years. Season 1 is so bad and commercial, haha! Still fun, though!

Back to the hikes/walks. I’ve used my camera a lot lately, and I am so grateful for the sparks the hikes have created when it comes to photography. Nature is the best inspiration! Maybe it will help me out of this rut again.

x Fai

BIRTHDAY EXCURSION: A PHOTO SERIES (AND SOME THOUGHTS)

I’m not a fan of doing too much out of my birthday. I feel awkward and anxious having/”demanding” all the attention. I’m giving a small shout out to corona for not allowing my mom to force a family birthday party on me. I don’t feel comfortable “forcing” friends and family to celebrate me. Who am my insignificant being to demand that?

To the point: my mom still wanted us to do something fun, so she suggested we drive to the woods and walk around with the dogs and our cameras. (I got the whole family together and we got a camera for her birthday in October, she’s taking so much joy and pleasure in using it, which is super fun for me!). She had talked to my aunt who said the liverworts had just sprung out – a true sign of Spring! – and she wasn’t loud about it, but I know she really, really wanted to photograph them. So we got into the car, dogs in their cages.

The sun was up and warming us as we walked. Koda and Khaleesi were thrilled to be a place they hadn’t been before. We didn’t have to go far to spot our first liverworts. *Brings out camera and sits down in an awkward position to get the best angle*. A lot of photos were taken on our walk, and I think I’m just going to show some of them without further a due. I would be so glad to hear what you think! And also, what is a sure sign of Spring where you live?

The general concept of a birthday is a bit hard for me. A birthday means I’ve been on Earth for another year, and I’m, in my head, yet another year on overtime. I don’t struggle with depression as bad as I used to, but I still feel like this. I guess the thoughts stem a little from my AvPD as well, my negative view on myself. I’m not suicidal, but I still feel like I should have been dead yesterday. (This got a bit dark, I’m sorry). Moving on.

I quite like the one above. The symbolism of it. Despite the darkness of the leaves and dirt, the liverworts have still managed to surface. They’ve just fought their way through with the little light that accessed them through the obstacles before them. I’m trying to be like that.

Just like I closed the last post with I’m going to watch Criminal Minds now, we really have to catch up if we’re to make it to the end before they remove the series, haha. I wish I was more productive during this quarantine, but this is nothing different from my normal life, so I still find it hard. My head isn’t working properly. Oh, well.

Stay safe ♡

x Almond