Sipping tea from the Marimekko mug I got from my fur babies for Christmas, watching big, wet snowflakes fall from the sky in the comfort of my warm living room. Vanilla scented candles are lit and Khaleesi is slumbering by my side. I know the snow won’t stay long, so I’m savouring this moment.
We’ve had constant rain for two weeks now, so looking out at the millions of snowflakes falling, almost dancing in the wind, gives a very welcomed feeling. Rain in Autumn is perfect, but rain in Winter makes gets me down. The sun sets at 15:00, if we even see it at all, so snow should in my humble opinion be mandatory, (do you hear me Mother Nature?). I guess this is what we’ll be seeing in the coming years due to climate change. It’s a real bummer, the snow brightens up the surroundings in a usually dark time.
I have no specific plans for today other than to try out the A&O Acrylograph pens I got from my mom and dad for Christmas. I’ve been eyeing them for so long, and an online store here in Norway finally got them not to long ago.
I’m thinking of starting with bullet/creative journaling again the coming year, I’ve fallen out of it the past few months. I miss sitting at my desk; writing, planning, creating. Cutting and pasting, stickers here, stickers there. And luckily I found an unused A&O book lying around the other day, like it was just waiting for January 1st to come around.
Christmas has passed for now and a new year is creeping up on us. I had a rather good Christmas holiday this year actually. I went to my parents for a little holiday get-away, and my mom and I watched a lot of Bones. It was a calm few days, without less of the usual agitated arguments about all that needed to be done. Christmas Eve was spent at their house with my sister, her boyfriend, and my grandmother on my fathers side.
I was a bit on edge, and there were a couple times I felt like bursting into tears and run out of the room, but I quietly managed to collect myself. Kind of emotionally muted the rest of the evening. It wasn’t terrible, but I wasn’t exactly overjoyed either. Just unaffected, another day crossed off this year. That’s depression I guess. But like I said: rather good. No penetrating doom, no anxiety to mention.
Khaleesi and I are back at our apartment now, listening to my Missed Hits of 2020. It’s been stormy all last night and today, and it’s supposed to rain for a few days now, which fits very well with our plan to just have a couple of days to ourselves and take it slow until New Years. Charging the batteries for a day that usually brings a lot of anxiety and not-so-good thoughts.
Hope you had a nice holiday, if you celebrate! And if you don’t, I hope you’ve had some good days leading up to the new year. Take care ❤
There are 17 days left until Winter is here and yet again I’ve missed Autumn. I’ve been stuck inside my head and been mostly paralyzed from my thoughts, or the lack of, or both. I don’t know where the days and weeks and months have gone, but suddenly they’ve become the past.
I had so many plans for the season this year, it wasn’t going to be like previous years, it was supposed to be filled with forest walks and photography and journaling and Autumn season in Animal Crossing, but I feel like nothing. Not doing nothing, but like I am nothing. It seems what’s left of me is a void in a fragile shell. Ready to break at any moment. I don’t find joy in the things I used to and I don’t have the motivation to look for it or try to create it either.
At this point I am merely existing. It hurts, but at the same time not, because there’s nothing here. no thoughts, no emotion, no nothing.