THE WEEKLY LIST #3: ANIMAL CROSSING AND DRY GRAVEL

WHAT HAPPENED?

☁️ This week I’ve actually been on several walks with my dogs. Usually my mom takes them when I can’t because of my anxiety, but this week I joined them several times. On my birthday we headed out to the woods and walked around there with our cameras. It was really nice using my camera outside again. (You can see some photos from our walk here.) And speaking of both cameras and my birthday, you can see the super cute mug I got that day below!

☁️ I ordered myself some clothes and a pair of yellow Converse for Spring. Hopefully they will be here this week. Something I also got for myself was Animal Crossing! I had never played it before until Friday, and I have so much to learn, but I am in love with it already. It’s so peaceful and calming, a great escape. I’m trying not to let it take over my life though, so I have a rule of “you have to do x productive things before yo can play”, but it works kind of counterproductive. Now I just sit around moping about not being able to play, and don’t get either done, haha.

☁️ I finally picked up The Goldfinch again! You are probably tired of hearing about it, so am I, but I’ve managed to pick it up again and I’m left with 160 pages. I’m too invested in Theo, I can’t just avoid following him to the end, because I don’t want to get hurt. It’s a book, they’re safe feelings.

HOW DID I FEEL?

☁️ As I mentioned on my last post and on my Instagram, I’ve had a bit anxiety about me getting older. I’m still here and I haven’t gotten better over the years, which is a bit depressing. Fortunately I had something to look forward to, the Animal Crossing release, and that helped me get out of it. I’m not joking when I say it’s a great escape. The colours, the slow paced “just vibing” vibe, really helps to lower ones shoulders.

☁️ I’ve felt good spending more time out of the house this week. Sun on my face, the sound of dry gravel under my sneakers – a sign of Spring. AvPD is very isolating, so when I have good days I make sure to spend at least a little bit of them outside. More Time Out In The Sun for president.

SOMETHING I’M GRATEFUL FOR?

☁️Green sprouts popping up here and there. ☁️ Growing friendships. ☁️ Living comfortably. ☁️ Being used to self-isolation in these days. ☁️ The people who came up with Animal Crossing all those years ago. ☁️ The Internet and the top-notch people I’ve met here. ☁️

What have you been grateful for in the past week? ♡

x Almond

BIRTHDAY GIRL AND AN UPDATE

We meet again, you handsome souls! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? 2 whole weeks! The internet here has been really bad here, and then it completely shut down. Oh, well, it’s up and running again and I’m back now : )

I thought I’d do an update on what’s been going on in the time I’ve been away, just to get back on track.

. . .

☁️ I have not finished The Goldfinch! How, what, why? I think it’s a mix between the reader in me and the borderline fear of being abandoned that has gotten in the way. It’s written so well and I love the characters. I don’t want to be cut off from their lives when the book ends. I’m not ready for that kind of break, haha?

☁️ My little baby Khaleesi turned 3 on Monday! She got her special bow on, she posed for some pictures, and we went down to the pet store so she could pick out her birthday present. She picked out a small brown teddy bear, which she played with for a while and then gave to Koda, who ripped off one of its arms.

☁️ I have watched a lot of Masterchef! The 11th season of MC Australia came out in January here in Norway, and my mom and save up episodes so that we can see three or four at the same time, so we’re not finished yet. I love Masterchef Australia and it’s going to be so sad next season when Matt, George and Gary have left.

☁️I’ve been looking at apartments for rent. It’s about time I leave and live by myself again, take some responsibility and (try and) start my life. My GP also said that my mood swings may be worse because of my living situation. I currently live with my parents and I split on my dad a while back and I’m always on edge. I don’t want to strain the relationship. Also, I am 23 in a few days – it’s time.

☁️Tortoises! I’ve gotten super into them and I’m doing research and watch tortoise-tubers almost every minute of every day. Tortoises are so adorable and seem to have big personalities! I can’t get one right now, but I’m making sure I know everything there is to know about them by the time I can have one (or two?).

☁️ I found out my bio-mom has (finally for her) moved to our neighbouring city and she’s tried to make contact by sending texts, which is hard for me. Her dream is that we finally become a happy family, her, me, my sister, and my brothers. That everything, the neglect, the instability, her drug use, just *poof* is gone. Maybe I’ll write a post about more of my thoughts concerning that.

☁️ If you haven’t seen already, I made a logo for the blog in Procreate and I don’t think it turned out so bad. It was so good practising lettering again and Procreate makes it so easy! The font is 100% me, but the leaves is a stapled Procreate brush. What do you think?

So, that’s some of the things that have been going on the past two weeks. As for today I’ve had a little high and I actually used it productively instead of buying All The Things online; I went on a walk with the dogs, gave Khaleesi a bath, cleaned both my bathroom and living room, (which hadn’t been done in a while), and gave myself a shower as well (also needed).

The rest of the day I’m going to mix watching Criminal Minds while catching up on blogs. Our streaming service removes Criminal Minds in 23 days, and my mom and I have 3 seasons left to watch before that happens, haha! So now you know what I’ll be doing the next couple of weeks! But I’ll make sure to stop by here.

Hope you still have a good weekend and that you’re staying safe and take precautions to avoid the corona virus! ♡

x Almond

THE WEEKLY LIST #2: CONCERT AND MOOD SWINGS

This weeks read? I’m still reading The Goldfinch. I’m so afraid I will swallow it just so I can start reading The Shadow of the Wind, so I haven’t read as much as I would like.

This weeks high? Definitely the Ásgeir concert on Monday. It was so good. His live performance is amazing, I wish he would release more live recordings. His voice is so pure – fragile but strong. One of a kind.

This weeks low? Falling asleep on a wet pillow a couple times too many.

This weeks work? I’ve gotten out of the house every day this week, (if I remember correctly)! Well, it hasn’t really been that much work, because I’ve been on a high when going out, but normally that would take a lot of work.

This weeks panic? Haven’t really had any big panicky episodes? Hmm.

This weeks want? A break.

This weeks mood? All over the place. I’ve had some big mood swings the past week. I’ve felt inspired, utterly depressed, careless and joyful, hopeless, invincible. It’s been intense. It’s hard, because I’m on medication and it should dull it down, and it has for a while, but now the mood swings are back in full force.

This weeks new? Inspiration to start bullet journaling again! As for material things I bought a Moleskine soft cover notebook for the occasion. I’ve never tried Moleskine before (what? I know), but I can say I’m already in love. The quality of the pages are YUM, I can’t believe that I’ve missed it for so long?

This weeks cosy? Sitting on the train reading and/or imagining myself a character and a story, someone else going to a wonderful place, having some grand meaning and purpose.

Something to look forward to next week? Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe to see what getting back into bujoing can help me do.

I hope this new month treats you well! ♡

x Almond

THE WEEKLY LIST #1: SOMETHING IN THE MAIL

This weeks read? The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. I’m halfway through now and I don’t know what to say, to be honest. So. Many. Feelings.

This weeks high? The package in the mail! (More about that further down).

This weeks low? Lying in bed at 3AM sobbing. Just all these moments when the tears have been pressing on, seemingly without reason at times.

This weeks panic? I realised I’m going to a concert next week. Tomorrow to be exact. I got it as a Christmas present from my sister, and looked at it as being so far into the future, but after my epiphany that it’s actually !now! my anxiety has been rising a bit.

This weeks work? Dragging myself out if this apathetic/shut off state I’ve been in with this identity/existential crisis. All I did for a week was just staring, which isn’t unusual in itself, but this time it truly hurt. I’ve managed to pull myself out of it, and I’m awake again now, thankfully.

This weeks mood? I’ve been a bit on the edge, a lot of tears have been pressing below the surface. Some of the tears I have allowed to fall, the rest I’ve swallowed. (But I think I need to let them out as well). Other than that it’s been so good to read and journal again!

This weeks want? Vegan chocolate milkshake, a new denim jacket, a good nights sleep.

This weeks “new”? I finally, (and I say finally, because they came two days after they should have), got The Cemetery of Forgotten Books in the mail. The sweet smell of new books. I have to really restrain myself from not rushing The Goldfinch now as I long to start The Shadow of the Wind.

This weeks cosy? Getting the duvet from the bed and snuggling up in the sofa, Khaleesi lying on my legs snoring, book open in my hands.

Something to look forward to next week? The Ásgeir concert tomorrow, no doubt. The last time I saw him live was in 2015 (I think) and it was magical. Even though I’m anxious about it, my sister is going with me, and I know that if it gets too much, she’ll be there ❤

x Almond

VALENTINE’S DAY: 9 COMPLIMENTS FOR MYSELF

Good day to you, precious souls! What are you up to today? I just woke up from a nap in my lazy chair. I haven’t been sleeping too well these past few days, so I’ve had to a nap a bit. But who doesn’t enjoy a good nap?

It’s Valentine’s Day today, and in that occasion I thought I’d make a self-love kind of post where I write myself 9 compliments. I’m not big on self-love unfortunately, so whew, this was a tough one, but let’s see!

☁️ You are so strong for making it this far! Start giving yourself some credit.

☁️ You actually do take some good photos now and then. (This post isn’t much to show for it though, haha). Keep practising, keep shooting. Don’t be afraid to keep on trying in fear of failing, it’s by failing and making mistakes that you learn and evolve. Take some risks!

☁️ You are curious in nature, you love learning and you are open to new perspectives, (to an extent).

☁️ You have a good fashion sense, in my honest opinion.

☁️ You are respectful to everyone you meet, and for those who you let get close to you, you are very caring and empathetic. You would do a lot to see them happy and content, even though you might have enough with yourself at times.

☁️ You know what you care for and what you don’t, you don’t waste time.

☁️ Even though you are very self-conscious, you’re still yourself, and I think that’s a real accomplishment.

☁️ You get very passionate about things, (on the border of obsessive, but that’s a story for another day).

☁️ You are reflected and you think a lot. You don’t settle for the first and the best, you take your time to make things make sense to you.

Well, that was my 9 for the day. When I started listing them I honestly didn’t think I was even going to make it to 5, but 9(!). Whew. I have to admit, though, that most of these compliments are things others have said about me and that I’m not sure I believe in, hmm.

Nonetheless, this was a really good challenge for my self-esteem, I needed this. I highly recommend doing this exercise, no matter how hard it seems, you might find some gems hidden inside you.

What is one compliment you would give yourself today?

x Almond

SLEEP TIGHT, LITTLE ONE

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to one of my fur babies. Kaspar was not looking well at all when I woke up in the morning. He lay curled up in a corner and was breathing heavily. I picked him up and his stomach was really bloated. He tried walking, but fell over and let out a tiny scream. I screamed as well. He was clearly in a lot of pain.

I got an appointment at the vet and drove down there. The vet examined him and found a tumour in his abdomen. He had to be put down, my precious baby. I felt so helpless. He had shown no signs of being in pain before that morning. He was my little one and there was nothing I could do to help him. He fell asleep on my chest, my fingers stroking over his tiny body. Isn’t it funny how you can come to love a mere 125 grams of pure fluff so much?

I have my other fur babies, luckily. They know something has been up and have been trying to distract me with more playtime than usual and comforting snuggles. They’re good like that.

x Almond

RAMBLING, IDENTITY CRISIS, WORDS OF WISDOM

Hello guys! I’m sorry for the week-long absence, I guess I just needed a few days to myself. I’m kind of having an identity crisis, because I’m in a rut when it comes to bujoing/journaling. It makes me feel like such a failure that the one of the things I consider to be the biggest parts of my personality doesn’t spark the same joy at the moment. I thought it was part of “the real deal”, but now I’m lost. Have I been faking it? Is there any part of me that is truly “me”? Am I even real? I’m spiralling down in those thoughts. But over to something that is a bit more fun…

I bought a Switch! Impulse? Comfort-buy? Reward? Search for a new piece of identity? Ooo, shiny? I don’t know, maybe all of the above? What I do know is that I don’t regret it. I’ve always wanted to be a “gamer” in a small sense of the word, (or wanted? I mean I loved playing Narnia on my friends Playstation when we were kids), but I never dared.

Thoughts like “you’re not good enough”, “people will laugh at you”, “others have been doing this longer than you, who do you think you are” have been central in my mind. Not only when it comes to this, but with other activities – like drawing.

But just because someone may be better at you at something doesn’t mean that you can’t do it, it doesn’t mean you should compromise on your own search of joy and happiness!

Well, that was it for todays rambling :’) I’m going to take out my Switch now and play for a couple of hours. I bought Zelda – Breath of the Wild and it’s such a beautiful game. I’m trying to enjoy it as much as possible. Have you tried it? Do you have a Switch? Are there any games you recommend?

x Almond

THE DISCOVERY OF BIRDS AND STUDYING

Kalypso discovered birds for the first time yesterday, (or it was the first time she gave them any consideration), and she wasn’t quiet about it. Some “mreow, mreows” and that little “ka, ka”-like sound came out as the two magpies jumped from branch to branch in the apple tree in our garden. She went from window to window trying to keep up.

She’s still an indoor kitten, but it’s fun to see her get more curious about the world outside. I’m going to need to get her a proper harness so she can explore before I let her outside on her own when Spring arrives.

. . .

My cold is a lot better now. For three days all I could do was lie on the couch, even sitting was too exhausting. Journaling was out of the question, so my goal to do it every day of January kind of failed, and I’m behind on this weeks bulleting, which makes me feel awful. Writing and making collages gives me so much, so whenever I have a break I feel like I’ve lost something.

I had plans to dust off my math book and get started with studying again after my too long Christmas break today, but I had a doctors appointment and went grocery shopping afterwards and that was enough for me. That was enough exposure for one day.

I have this fear of studying. Or a fear of failure, of not being good enough. It’s paralysing. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day to try and challenge it again.

x Almond

A RATHER SLOW MORNING

Today I’m having a slow and calm morning. The clock has already stretched to 1:30PM, so it’s technically mid day, but it feels a lot like morning still – I’m still in my one piece snuggle suit. Next to me is my owl cup, Evie, filled with hot broth. My second one for the day.

Yesterday I was dead beat, my whole body hurt. I have a cold that has really broken out, and today is unfortunately not any better. What makes it even worse is that I was supposed to visit my sister today, (which I was really looking forward to), but as I’m not in shape (at all), we postponed. Hopefully I’ll see her next weekend!

Today isn’t all bad, though, as my mom and I have 6 episodes of Masterchef Australia saved up! All those episodes are exactly what I need on a day like this and I wouldn’t ask for more. (Except for, maybe, some ice cream and a less runny nose).

I feel so sorry for myself when I’m sick, it’s stupid, so I’m about to head for bed for a nap. I know this wasn’t much of a post, but I wanted to do an update so it wouldn’t be all bare on here, and to give an explanation as to why there might not be a post for the next couple of days. *Crossing my fingers for a quick recovery*.

x Almond